he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
