i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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