Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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