every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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