I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
