I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
