booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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