I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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