And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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