Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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