somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
