True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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