well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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