chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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