I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize