I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
