Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
