i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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