where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
