i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
