Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
