just come out here and I will go home with you...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
