I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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