I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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