I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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