I think I just saw someone hide a body.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
