There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
