She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
