FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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