I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
