i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
