I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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