Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
