We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
