She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
