She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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