i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
