I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
