I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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