Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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