you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
