i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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