You're completely useless in the revolution.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
