this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
