i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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