If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
