don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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