Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My bed smells like the plague
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
