I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
