sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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