it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
