weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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