We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
