If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.