thus making me awesome and them whores
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.