and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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