Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.