considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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