He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
