What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
