Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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