hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
