I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
