hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
