so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
