please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
