And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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