thus making me awesome and them whores
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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