You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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