sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
