I think i peed on brittanys purse
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
