Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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