Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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