hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
