holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
