I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize