So drunk its hurt
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
