I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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