Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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