Nicole vs. Life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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